I am currently smashed…physically, emotionally and mentally.
I’ve never felt this way in recent times. Looking back, I’m satisfied to say that I was very happy most of the time. Mainly because I’ve found something new to do in my life. Something that I think, believe and know that is worthwhile doing.
For me to say that about something means a lot. And it means it is true. But I feel this is not the occasion for me to be talking about this absolutely lovely and welcome revelation in my life.
Going back to the melancholy of the very early morning, a thought rammed straight at me while I was on Facebook. None in my immediate circle of friends seem to be doing what I currently enjoy doing. I treasure my friends very much, I love them to death but I just feel so miserable right now because none of them can join me in this fitness journey. Each has been preoccupied with his/her issues in life. Actually, at this moment, I’m feeling more and more what I have “put off” feeling about my closest friends. Here’s the thing: I think the differences that exist between us all have become more and more obvious and evident. Sometimes I think I may be weirder compared to them. Sometimes I even think I’m abnormal. I don’t know, maybe, deep inside, my friends think the same way about me. These differences are things that I can’t simply explain or resolve or reconcile with them. To address this, it’s just easier to get past it all and try to “compartmentalize” (for a lack of a better term)
But I don’t ever want to be un-friends with my dear friends. I don’t take it against them when they think I’m weird (BUT I’d actually be happier if they keep such comments for themselves because I KNOW I CAN BE weird sometimes, that’s enough). I actually find our relationship very dynamic amidst the very static nature (we rarely go out, and when we do, we only just eat or videoke, etc). I like that there is awareness of the differences of each other, that there is an unspoken code of friendship existing among us. I like that there is mutual respect because of this awareness.
So yeah, I turned that negative thought into a positive. Yeah! I’m feeling better by the minute. 🙂
Anyway. Maybe this extremely sudden bout of misery and alone-ness (which I suspect is just hormonal or is just something brought about the lactic acid accumulating in my arms/THE FATIGUE!!!) is something negative that you turn positive. All I’m sure that I want right now is to meet new people along this journey with the same passion as mine. So here’s to hoping and meeting more inspiring, awesome, motivational, hardcore people who are just as pumped up as I am in the different things and passions that I care deeply about and that I am going to be pursuing no matter what.